I USED TO HATE THE EVANGELICALS PEOPLE WITH A PASSION. I USED TO SEE THEM AS BEING STUPID, BRAINWASHED AND NOT CAPABLE OF UTTERING THOUGHTS ON THEIR OWN. I USED TO CALL THEM A MENACE, A CULT AND A BUNCH OF INSECURE PEOPLE DESPERATE OF APPROVAL….
WHAT DO YOU KNOW? I AM ONE OF THEM NOW!
Although I was raised as a Catholic, I went to Church on Sundays and holidays I also sang in the choir. All this was because my parents made me. By the time I turned seventeen and throughout my teen years until I was in my late twenties, I hated Christianity with a passion. In my thirty’s life became so hard, between work, raising kids and an awful and abusive marriage, I could careless about Christian people.
I was not praying to be a Christian. If anything, God was travelling North I took South to make sure we never met. I was so proud and so sure of my convictions about Christianity and the morons (this was my favorite word to describe them) that are part of this group. No one in this world had the power to change my mind about Christianity and nothing in this life has ever disgusted me more than Christianity. By the time I reached forty, I thought it was strange the way I could see when Christian approached me to talk about Christ, I could see that they were offering me something that they did not have. (that’s a different story) This caused me to resist becoming a Christian so much more. But I would lie if I say that I did not notice that something changed within me. God was pursuing me relentlessly and I had no idea.
I have been a Christian for almost 18 years now. I find that the key to have a heart on fire with God is GRATITUDE. I am not talking here about peoples’ version of the word where they sell you on the word ‘gratitude’ yet, are not prepared to put their own lives on the line for Christ Gospel, His Kingdom, His purpose and for God’s glory.
If your heart has never been so engulfed with gratitude for what Christ has done on the cross for you to the point where you literally can see yourself moving forward toward Him, just because you want to be closer to Him, you are missing out on something that I see being ‘out of this world experience’. Even though as you move forward to Him, you can see with your spiritual eyes that trials and adversities are all around you yet, nothing can deter you from your goal to draw closer to Him. It also means that you know nothing yet of the true meaning of “godly gratitude” in the heart. There is no way on my own, I could muster that much gratitude in my heart. Oh Yea! This kind of gratitude in the heart comes when you experience true repentance.
When God filled my heart with gratitude for my salvation through grace from Christ work on the cross it changed my life in a way that I can never explain in simple words. But, my gratitude is not only for my salvation but for having been chosen and loved by Him. It is for the privilege of having my heart opened and willing to follow Him, when in reality, there are billions of people out there who will never know this privilege. As you realize what you have received from Him, you suddenly realize how much of a big deal your salvation is. So, big that you can never repay Him even if you were to give all that you possess in this life and the next life.
As I decided to go forward, He allowed me to live out my part in a vision. One morning I was meditating and, in my Bible, I could see Him being not too far but, between us there was all those dangers that I had to overcome. It was exactly what happened to the Israelites in the wilderness in Exodus 19:16 “On the morning of the third day, thunder roared, and lightning flashed, and a dense cloud came down on the mountain. There was a long, loud blast from a ram’s horn, and all the people trembled.”
I remember being so scared, I knew going forward to Him would mean that the lightning that turns to fire in my vision, would kill me. Every step forward was a challenge. Strangely, He was on the other side looking at me and waiting for me to come to Him, despite the obstacles and my fear. I finally said: “I don’t care what happen to me even though you can smite me on the way to you, I am coming closer.” Strangely, as I finished saying that I found myself in His arms and I still have no idea how I got there. But the obstacles were behind me.
As I got to understand what I received from Him, my heart wanted a hug from Him so much that I was willing to die right away to get it. My heart panted for His embrace. Soon after my experience as I explained above, He took away the loneliness that was in my heart, by giving me the greatest, longest and most satisfying embrace that a being could ever received. I had no idea that He could satisfy my desire and take away this painful longing of my heart which at that time was, to find someone to share my life with. Since then, I have never been lonely to the point where I would look for a human companion to live with. While I am alone, but I am not lonely. Yet, I remember the loneliness that plagued my heart, before I met Him and while I was in something that human being called ‘marriage”. (I still cannot see it as a marriage because I was told in my face by my ex, that I was totally alone in it)