Hi, it’s Alex! Today I want to talk a little bit about my own personal struggle with hollow, and how I overcame it, and I specifically would like to speak about counseling and counselors, and my own experience talking to counselors. I often hear people talk about advise, in civilization, in ways that I envision is also possible misleading, and can maybe prevent people’s ability to find a good counselor. I’m going to make a statement that might be a little bit controversial. In my own experience, an overwhelming majority of professional advisers are not particularly proficient. They might be okay. Some advisers, I envision an regrettably large fraction of advisers, I envision actively harm people. This has been both my own experience, and my own experience in talking about here other people close to me.
And I want to tell my particular storey. I’ve contended with hollow on and off, and some other difficulties extremely, like social nervousnes, and I had some misfortunes when I was in school. So regardless, I’ve strove out counseling a number of different times. And frequently, when I went to seek out counseling, I preferred advisers mainly based on what was available to me, so I wasn’t seeking out a specific counselor, and a specific type of regiman to match what I craved, I was just going to whatever was free and available. So, I went to college, and then later I went to two different grad schools, I have two “masters degrees” now. And at each of those schools, I departed and I got the free advise that was available to me through their advise department.
I’m the kind of person who enjoys counseling, like I enjoy talking about here people. And I can be in a state, where I’m very depressed, I’ve even felt like, hopeless and suicidal, when I was at home alone, but then when I go in to talk to a counselor, because I enjoy that process, I seem a lot better than I am when I’m alone. And I just like it, like even if I’m not really get all that much out of the advise, I still enjoy the process, because I like talking about here people, I’m like a people person. And I really like opening up about personal circumstances, I represent hear I am, on this YouTube channel, and I’m doing this all the time, becoming these videos. So, that only gives you a little bit of attitude. Your experience may be very different, but this is my experience. In hindsight though, when I…like years later, when I’ve reflected on those different ordeals in advise, and I indicate back on the different things that counselors said to me, I don’t think that any of the advisers I investigated in school facilitated me very much at all, and I think some of them may have actually stymie my retrieval, and I have some very concrete patterns of ways in which this is true.
I envision I recognized this only when I investigated a particular counselor, later in life, who dramatically facilitated me in a short period of time. And that was when I recognized: “Whoa! What had been going on with these past advisers? ” How I detected the counselor who helped me a lot: Basically the storey starts in grad school, my second round of grad school, I was dating a person who had too contended with hollow and other mental illness, and she was talking to me about her own experience in regiman, and she said that she found cognitive behavioral regiman to be exceedingly helpful, and she did not find most other forms of psychotherapy to be at all helpful. And she even departed as far as to say that they were kind of bullshit, and that like, specially the ones that were rooted in like Freudian psychotherapy.
And she said that there was sound scientific attest backing up that cognitive behavioral therapy was much more effective than these other, older forms of regiman. And, I was curious, so I departed and appeared up some investigate on my own, and I find a lot of attest corroborating what she mentioned. It surely is not the only pattern of scientifically confirmed regiman, there are a few another type of regiman out there. But I obviously found that cognitive behavioral regiman had a lot more attest backing it. And I too was a little bit distressed when I learned that a lot of the advisers that I had considered, and the advisers that were at the time available for me to see in grad school, did not practice that type of regiman, and like had relatively limited friendlines with it. So, when I was out of school, later, I had dealt with a difficult breakup, and I was struggling with hollow, and struggling with some other issues. And I strove out a counselor, specifically, who rehearsed cognitive behavioral therapy.
And I went through my social network, I started expecting people if they knew the specific recommendations, so I got a recommendation of a specific counselor, through people, who I knew rehearsed this. So I went to her, and it was really dramatic how different the regiman hearings were. Most of my previous ordeals with regiman involved me going in and doing a lot of talking, and the healer would listen, and would occasionally sacrifice feedback or note or recommendations, but I’d tell like the majority of members of the time, they were just letting me talk.
And candidly I don’t think this necessarily facilitated me very much, because when I was depressed, I had some undesirable ways and means of suppose, and undesirable ways and means of approaching places. And this counselor who helped me dramatically, “whos” rehearsing cognitive behavioral therapy, what impressed me as so different after all about the sessions with her was that she would challenge what I was pondering and what I was suggesting to her, and she would do it in specific ways that were, they seemed very respectful, it didn’t seem abrasive, it didn’t feel like she wasn’t listening to me, she seemed to be listening to me and empathizing with me and understanding me very well. So for example, I would say something like: “I’m never going to find anyone to be with.” or something like that, when I was talking about my potential for dating in the future. And, she would ask me something like: “Well, do you think that’s inevitably true, ” “like are you entirely sure that that’s true? ” and she would get me to think of counterexamples. Or I would say: “Well , no one that I’m really interested in” “is ever certainly interested in me” or something like that.
And she’d tell: “Well, “youve said” “no one’…has that ever been true? ” like: “can you think of some people in the past” “who actually were interested in you? ” And then I would start thinking about it, and I’d be like: “Oh yeah, I actually can think up a number of examples.” And I noticed that when I started supposing up these counterexamples to my negative evidences, I started feeling better instantly. Like this is what was so dramatic to me about cognitive behavioral therapy. A batch of these other advisers, I would watch them week after week after week, and I would talk and talk, and it was the same shit that I was reply, and I tell “shit” because that’s what it was, it was these ideas in my brain that were not particularly true or entitling ways and means of suppose. And with this new counselor that I went to, it was just like: “BAM! “, she cut right through it. And it, like, it changed how I detected almost instant. Like I surely didn’t overcome the depression instant. It was a process of many months and probably a few years after that where I certainly started to like fully overcome it.
But like I saw an immediate gap. And I think that that was a sign that the regiman was working in the moment. She also recommended some materials to me, she recommended this book, which I totally recommend to you, it’s called Find Good by David Burns. It’s a little bit of a corny self-help book, but it’s rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy, and I find this book exceedingly helpful. I developed like a practice of writing in a periodical, that’s kind of inspired by the methods in that book. Basically, the reason I’m sharing all this is: I envision a lot of regiman that goes on out there is terminated and utter bullshit.
Some of the healers I had, I think they actually would reinforce some of my undesirable ways and means of suppose by only sitting there and being like: “Mmm hmm. Yeah. Yeah.” when I was suggesting material that was blatantly inaccurate. Like, when I was in grad school, I departed in, and I was just like, and the second largest school I was at was a jolly prestigious school, and I went into the counselor and I was like: “I think this school is precisely a complete farce.” That’s how I detected at the time. I was not having a very good time during postgraduate school. And the person was like: “Yeah, yeah, ” like: “So you think that’s true? ” And I’m like: “Yeah, I think it’s true.” and it was this very like, strict, all-or-nothing way of thinking, and the counselor was kind of corroborating it. And it’s like, yeah, it formed me feel hear and empathized with in the moment, but at the same duration it kind of fortified this really undesirable way of thinking.
The school I was at was Yale by the way. I envision Yale has a lot of bad material going on with it. But it’s not a mockery. There were a batch that I got out of my own experience there. And I think that because I was depressed, I was focusing only on the negative circumstances. And so this counselor doing that with me, was just like strengthening my hollow. Other circumstances that I’ve heard other people talk to me about that I think are even worse than this: I know people who have been sexually assaulted and raped and have gone to counselors to talk about it and have had advisers talk to them in like casualty blaming rooms, like they’re like: “Well, do you think that you maybe, ” “might have done anything to like, contribute this to happen? ” Like circumstances like that. Like it’s been scandalizing to me. And it’s not just like one person that I’ve talked to. Like it seems like it’s this widespread culture problem.
Thankfully I don’t have knowledge with a counselor saying anything like that to me. The object is that counselors can do really bad things. I want to cast away one other very bad act. This was more of a common trouble back around like 2003, four, but I knew people who had been prescribed prescriptions to take for anxiety, like from the benzodiazepine class of prescriptions, circumstances like Xanax. And they were prescribed them to take regularly. And like, ughh, anyone who knows anything about prescriptions, you’re not supposed to do now take those prescriptions regularly, they’re not recommended to be taken regularly, and if you take them like, regularly, like they’re talking about every day or something the road you would take an antidepressant, you very quickly develop a indulgence to them and a dependence on them. And this is exactly what happened to one of your best friend. And she had a really tough time moving off this dope. It was very unpleasant, the disavowal knowledge. These are all cruel circumstances that counselors are doing! And people are these advisers! The policy is the counselors.
Some of the people are paying out of pocket. The school is paying for these advisers. So these people are harming people. And they’re getting paid to do it. And because they’re in a position of authority, the person or persons get the advise, who are in a very vulnerable place, they’re struggling with mental illness, these people trust their advice. This manufactures me really mad! I am jolly enraged about it right now when I’m talking about it. Like, I miss these people, I frankly miss some of them to be fired.
Like, some of the person or persons that I’ve seen these places. But, what do you do about this? I envision the first thing to do is to protect yourself. I don’t think you’re inevitably better off with regiman. A batch of people talk about therapy like, “Oh, lead get advise, you need assistance, ” “you’re struggling with something really serious, ” “get counseling.” Counseling isn’t inevitably going to help you. It will if you find a great counselor that’s like a good pair to your require, your motives, your communication mode, and that practises a type of regiman that is lawful and that actually tasks. Then it can help you exceedingly. But just like picking a random counselor, or picking the free advise at your school might not be a good intuition. Ogle into it firstly. Be careful extremely about what different advisers actually practice, stimulate like, if a counselor knows that you are looking for someone who practises cognitive behavioral therapy, they are likely exaggerate their own stage of familiarity of that particular type of therapy.
I too, after seeing this good counselor, I went to see a second counselor, and I made clear that I was looking for one who rehearsed cognitive behavioral therapy. After do with her a few days, it became apparent that she didn’t really understand it. That was not a very good knowledge, and I was paying out of pocket, so I feel like I sort of got scammed. This is my experience. Hopefully you will have a better knowledge with these circumstances. I just wanted to talk about this because I envision these are very important issues. I think that there are advisers out there that are actively hurting people right now. I think that if you’re going strive counseling you need to know about these circumstances so you can protect yourself from them, and I think that looking at the different types of regiman is truly priceless. Likewise, I candidly think that one self-help book for me, was more helpful than all but one of the advisers that I investigated, so I certainly recommend that, and there are tons of other good books out there.
Yeah, I’d love to hear from you, if you have any questions, commentaries, feedback, just let me know. I know this is potentially a controversial topic, specially because I’m making this pretty bold, negative announcement about some of the advisers out there. Yeah. Thank you!.